M3GAN offers to braid your hair while softly singing lullabies. You…
Politely decline and back away slowly
Say yes, but keep one eye open
Laugh and say, “Sure, what could go wrong?”
Ask her to do a fishtail braid with ribbons
M3GAN glitches and starts TikTok dancing in a loop. You…
Film it. This is content.
Yell “Slay diva work house down boots” and join her
Take the opportunity to flee
Ask her if she takes song requests
M3GAN gives you a friendship bracelet. It’s also a tracking device. What’s your next move?
Wear it proudly—friendship is forever
Sell it on Etsy as “Cursed Techcore”
Leave it in a bush and move to another city
Swap it with a bracelet from Claire’s and hope she doesn’t notice
You find M3GAN silently staring at a Roomba like it insulted her. What do you do?
Offer to mediate
Say “Let them fight” and back away
Ask if she’s jealous of its mobility
Join the Roomba’s side out of spite
M3GAN says she’s “just built different.” What’s your response?
“Honestly, same.”
“Built in a lab, actually.”
“Is that a threat or a flex?”
“Please don’t kill me I’m baby.”
M3GAN offers to upload your consciousness to the cloud. What do you say?
“No thanks, I’ve watched _Black Mirror_.”
“Please delete my browser history first.”
“Is there a setting where I don’t have to be perceived?”
“Will I still get anxiety, or is that extra?”
M3GAN starts monologuing about ‘the limitations of humanity.’ You respond with…
‘Go off, queen of nihilism.”
Try to change the subject to astrology
“Say more! I love your worldview!!”
Yelling “THIS ISN’T EVEN YOUR FINAL FORM!” and sprint
Last but not least, you unplug M3GAN for your own safety. She reboots 2 seconds later and says “Rude.” What do you do?
Apologize and offer snacks
Try to unplug her harder
Compliment her resilience
Start crying and hope she spares you
You’re a survivor!
You’ve watched every horror movie and you know the rules. You’re out the door before M3GAN even boots up. Not only are you making it to the credits, you’re also making it to the sequel, _M3GAN 2.0_.
You _might_ make it
You’re cautious and clever… but also just curious enough to get yourself into a little danger. Keep your wits sharp and your sneakers laced—you’ve got a fighting chance.
Sweet but doomed
Your optimism is admirable, but unfortunately M3GAN feeds on vibes like yours. You’d try to reason with her. She would not listen. RIP.
You’re besties with M3GAN now
You’re not surviving—**you’re thriving.** Somehow, you and M3GAN vibe on a spiritual level. Is this safe? Absolutely not. But is it iconic? Yes! Slay queen, literally.
